Oompah, Zumba, Stick It Up Your Jumper!

In the quiet village of Nether Podmore,

The new craze to arrive.

For old folks' never ceasing quest,

On new ways to survive.

They've discovered Zumba,

A form of fitness workout.

A chance for all the pensioners,

To shake their booty all about.

There's Arthur Pringle,

Dicing with his dodgy hip.

Puts both feet through the same hole,

As on his shorts, he tries to slip.

And eighty-odd-years, Edna Tail,

Not sure what costume will do.

Wears her leopard-print leotard,

Will frilly pink tutu.

'Cos Edna was once a dancer,

And she's seen that movie, Fame.

She still can do some tricky moves,

With the aid of a zimmer frame.

There's Harry Grout, belly sticking out,

Mavis laughs, that's most unkind.

But Harry's wise not to reply,

About Mavis and her large behind.

And Old Fred Tuckett (minus bucket),

Rev. Alf, Elsie, and many others.

Little Pocket Pete and Lanky Len,

(The opposite-height brothers).

They warm up slowly, to and fro,

Arms weaving like a snake.

But after just a couple of these,

Poor Edna asks, 'Can I have a break?'

With Edna out, the music starts,

Arthur's hip is feeling numb.

But bravely soldiers on behind,

Mavis and her wobbly bum.

Harry Grout and Reverend Alf,

Belly-boys, roly-polies.

Backward hips, Alf's backside rips,

Revealing his Holy of Holies.

Charlie Dongle's sweating hard,

His wrinkled muscles ripple.

In old string vest, clutches chest,

'Cos he's got 'jogger's nipple'.

They get the step-up boxes out,

But little Pocket Pete they fear.

Will have to nip home to fetch,

His mountaineering gear.

They all have fun and everyone,

Collapses in their chairs.

And come the days that follow on,

They'll all be forced to live downstairs.